A Ness main may win the Super Bowl

Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow is many things: a gifted passer, tall, capable of making dramatic last-minute runs and maintaining a very handsome, chill vibe in spite of his violent profession. He’s also an avid Super Smash Bros. player, with the most annoying possible main: Ness.

The news comes from NFL Network reporter Cameron Wolfe, who shared on Twitter that Burrow plays Smash on Saturday nights, getting his filthy Ness habit in before he plays the game he’s actually paid to play on Sunday.

In the NFL, Burrow is a big deal right now, a young quarterback playing for a team that may make its second Super Bowl appearance in as many years when the Big Game airs in two weeks. This Sunday, the Bengals will play in the AFC championship game against the Kansas City Chiefs. The winner will advance to the Super Bowl against the Philadelphia Eagles (go birds) or the San Francisco 49ers, who are playing for the NFC crown the same day.

If Burrow and the Bengals do return to the Super Bowl, maybe this time it will go better for them — they lost to the Los Angeles Rams last year, 23-20, perhaps because Burrow is a Ness main. Either way, between this and Jamaal Williams’ Naruto shout-out earlier this month, the NFL should consider pivoting to livestreamed LAN parties — they’d be great fun for everyone, and far less injury-prone.